Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Conversation I Had With My Cat Tonight

Me:  Why aren't you eating your canned food?

Cat:  It's in my orange dish.

Me:  ... And?

Cat:  The canned food goes on my white plate. Treats go in my orange dish. This canned food is in my orange dish. It is not a treat.

Me:  But you love your canned food.

Cat:  Yes.

Me: ...

Cat: ...

Me: ...

Cat:  I'm still not eating it.

Me:  Right. I'll scoop it out and put it on the white plate. Geez. Are you an excellent driver, too?

Cat:  I do not get that reference.

Me:  Sorry. It's from Rain Man.

Cat:  Remember, you are speaking to a cat.

Me:  Oh. Yeah.

Cat:  And I prefer Dustin Hoffman in Marathon Man.

Me *hands over the now filled white plate*:  If you wake me up tonight with a clawed paw on my cheek going, "IS...IT...SAFE?" I am cutting your TV time right down to zero. Now eat your canned food.

Cat: nomnomnom