Me: Why aren't you eating your canned food?
Cat: It's in my orange dish.
Me: ... And?
Cat: The canned food goes on my white plate. Treats go in my orange dish. This canned food is in my orange dish. It is not a treat.
Me: But you love your canned food.
Cat: Yes.
Me: ...
Cat: ...
Me: ...
Cat: I'm still not eating it.
Me: Right. I'll scoop it out and put it on the white plate. Geez. Are you an excellent driver, too?
Cat: I do not get that reference.
Me: Sorry. It's from Rain Man.
Cat: Remember, you are speaking to a cat.
Me: Oh. Yeah.
Cat: And I prefer Dustin Hoffman in Marathon Man.
Me *hands over the now filled white plate*: If you wake me up tonight with a clawed paw on my cheek going, "IS...IT...SAFE?" I am cutting your TV time right down to zero. Now eat your canned food.
Cat: nomnomnom
