Is Your Collarbone Size English, Irish, or French?

When I'm not playing Baldur's Gate 3, I'm generally trying to do some work on my writing. And that requires research. 

I love doing research. So much so, I am often guilty of going down rabbit holes that have nothing to do with what I started out researching. I'm not alone in this, right?  Right?

..... *crickets*

So anyway, I was doing some research amongst old newspapers, as you do, and one search keyword lead to another and I stumbled across this in The National Gazette (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania) from 5 November 1829.  

Okay.

So aside from that last remark about Irish women -- and just what is that, by the way? Is he saying Irish women are "open chested" like French women? Is this some weird way of coding English women as more demure and refined than French and Irish women?  

Ahem. 

Aside from that. 

This "eminent anatomist" has "noticed" French women are shorter and more "open chested" than English women, so decides to make a study of women's clavicles?  Is this science or an excuse to go around touching random women's décolletage? 

He measures the clavicles so... valid science. Definitely. And I have "noticed" that many European chocolates are more creamy and tasty than American ones, so please fund my study into eating chocolate from every country. 

Seriously, this clavicle research sounds more like a naughty schoolboy prank than science. 

The clavicle is your collarbone. So he's not really measuring chests/ribcages, he's measuring shoulders. But if he were talking about shoulder-wideness, the term would be "broad shouldered," not "open chested." 

So I think what he's really talking about is breast size. He's trying to determine which country's women have the larger breasts. 

What does this achieve? I mean, in the field of women's health. How does this study help... anything? 

It's almost as if the study is being done for men to be able to choose the breast-iest country to visit, not for the benefit of women. 

And, historically, that's kinda how the medical field rolled. It's always been done for the benefit of men. 

Women were treated as mere engines of childbirth, inferior to men. They didn't need their own medical research results. Men's results would do just fine.

Is it better today?

Women are underrepresented in clinical trials,  which means they can have more unexpected side effects from medication. 

Women are left out of much medical research,  so it is impossible to know if some diseases or vaccines affect women differently. 

Black women have to fight to get doctors to believe them about their symptoms. Plus size women have the same difficulty. Fighting their doctors' condescension, bias, and racism puts women's lives at risk. 

So, no. The medical field still has a distance to go.

But at least they're not trying to relate breast size to country of residence. 

Secret Societies of the Sword Coast: Exposed || Series: Books Of Baldur's Gate III

Baldur's Gate 3 Early Access recently added Druid as a class one can play, and it is wild. You can shape shift into a cat, and a wolf, and a badger! And more! 

But Druids aren't the only nature-loving faction in the world of Baldur's Gate 3. When exploring the Druid Grove, you discover the existence of Harpers, who are depicted in a beautiful mural. Not so beautiful are the Shadow Druids. The book Secret Societies of the Sword Coast: Exposed has entries for both of them.

Shadow Druids and Harpers

Might we be able to join one of these factions as a Druid? We shall have to wait and see. 

But there's more. Some secret societies hide in the shadows for malevolent reasons. 

 Dark Justiciars and The Order of Klurd

The Order of Klurd reminds me of the Dark Brotherhood. If you've joined the Dark Brotherhood in Elder Scrolls Online, you know that there can be a lot of camaraderie within the, admittedly bloodthirsty, organization, so this could be a cool order to join. 

Of more immediate interest to the player character are the Dark Justiciars. They are a formidable force, and they are believed to be lurking along our path through the Underdark, which is already a difficult and scary place. Also dark. 

Very dark. 

Baldur's Gate 3 (at least so far in Early Access) provides a myriad of choices for the player character, giving you an amazing amount of agency in determining how the plot unfolds. You aren't required to risk the Underdark, you can choose to travel overland. 

However, two of the companions, Astarion and Shadowheart, are interested in the Dark Justiciars. And I think we've established how I feel about Astarion.

So Underdark, here I come. 

A Pleasurable Deal || Series: Books Of Baldur's Gate III

I particularly love this book because it breaks the fourth wall as well as gives you pertinent in-game information. 

Kingsley Harp made his deal to become successful and famous with an "entirely lewd piece of drama." 

I can understand that. **cough cough** romance writer **cough cough**

But beyond the amusement and relatability factors, this text is yet another piece in the Baldur's Gate 3 world tapestry informing the player that making a deal with a cambion is not an uncommon thing in this universe. And making such a deal with a cambion -- or rather the pros and cons and complications of such a deal, are very relevant to you: 

A cambion is half-human half-demon. But it looks like a devil, and deals with the devil go back hundreds of years, at least as far as the late 16th century. Humans don't do well when they interact with the devil, unless you're a phenomenal fiddler:

or you have a phenomenal lawyer:

Daniel Webster was a real person, an American lawyer (1782 - 1852) who lived in, worked in, and represented New Hampshire and Massachusetts.  He was considered the best orator of his day.  His speeches were studied in schools - even during his lifetime. So it's a huge, and believable, compliment that he could out-talk the devil. 

I've never actually seen or read The Devil & Daniel Webster (it started out as a short story). But I've seen the animated Devil And Daniel Mouse. Anyone else seen that? 

Anyway, if we make a deal with a cambion in Baldur's Gate 3, will we permanently lose our soul or will we be able to smooth-talk our way out of it later? 

Or will we be able to find someone offering a better deal to save us?  Only time will tell.

Curse of the Vampyr || Series: Books Of Baldur's Gate III

This book, Curse of the Vampyr, can be found in the library right before the bridge to Minthara. Since Astarion is my game crush, I had to pick it up. 

Cold beauty? Check.

Pale noble? Check.

Charming, with a bite mark on his neck? Check. 

Yep, that's Astarion. 😊

Actually, that's Cazador. 

Cazador is Astarion's vampire sire. Astarion is only a vampire spawn, while Cazador is a cruel, evil vampire. Not sexy. Not sparkling. Cazador is a psychopathic serial murderer.  

And we Astarion-lovers can't wait to kill him, as he was not kind to his spawn.

Astarion's very real fear of returning to Cazador makes him the only companion who approves of continuing to use your special powers, even when negative side effects appear. 

One of those negative side effects is terrible nightmares. In Astarion's case, nightmares of Cazador:

If you've watched any of the many (many!) videos of Astarion out there, you will have noticed Astarion is a very unique sort of vampire.

"It doesn't look broken. Then again, none of us do."

Astarion is both giggly and sardonic, proud and self-effacing, insulting and sometimes kind, thoughtful and chaotic, brave and fearful, intent on saving himself and interested in the rest of his companions. He's multi-faceted and fascinating. 

And he's actually more of a vampire than Cazador. 

Or rather, Cazador is a modern literary vampire. He is a threat, as in Dracula (1897).

But Astarion is closer to the ORIGINAL literary vampire, seen in Lord Byron's Fragment of a Novel (1819) -- the Cool Best Friend. 

The Byronic vampire is the fascinating, talented guy everyone wants as a friend, and if you're lucky enough to become his best friend, you feel flattered and honored that he chose you. 

The bond this type of vampire shares with his (male in this case) best friend is the most important part of his life (un-life).  His human is sworn to keep the secret of his vampire-ness, but honor is all that binds them. 

You'll notice this is the opposite of a Dracula-type vampire. No hypnosis. No madness and eating bugs a la Renfield. (You'll also have noticed Cazador treats Astarion in precisely this Dracula-defined manner, controlling his body, forcing him to eat rats and insects.)

The Byronic vampire may eat blood, but we never see it. It's not particularly important to his story. They are buddies who travel around together. That's the story as Byron wrote it. 

And that's precisely what Astarion offers. 

So if Larian allows the player character to affect their companions' alignment in Baldur's Gate 3, this will fit in perfectly with vampire canon. 

Swaying Astarion to evil, like Cazador, would make him a Dracula-type vampire. Swaying him to good would make him more of a Byronic vampire. 

I look forward to having a Byronic vampire at my side. 

Astarion's Historic and Literary References in Baldur's Gate 3 --- Or Any Excuse To Obsess About Astarion

I love this scene. It's so cute and romantic. 

And, for all those Medieval scholars out there, this scene reminds me of a posy that was often engraved inside Medieval marriage rings: 

Many are thee starrs I see, but in my eye no starr like thee.

This isn't the first time Astarion has made a literary reference. Well, it's not a reference per se. It's... a literary euphemism?

  

I just love the Larian writers. 

Hamsters In SPAAAAACE || Series: Books Of Baldur's Gate III

 The Miniature Giant Space Hamster.

Now, being a HUGE Bioware fangirl, the first thing I thought of upon reading this was.... 

Commander Shepard's SPACE HAMSTER! 

If you had Space Hamster as a pet in Mass Effect 2, you can find your hamster in Mass Effect 3 as well. Space Hamster is even in the Citadel DLC!

There is also a Space Hamster in Mass Effect: Andromeda.  

So how could you NOT think of Bioware's Mass Effect when you think of Space Hamsters?

As it happens, this is PRECISELY WHAT YOU SHOULD THINK OF. 

Back in the day, Bioware was the first studio to develop Baldur's Gate games. In both Baldur's Gate and Baldur's Gate II, a ranger named Minsc has a "Miniature Giant Space Hamster" named Boo in his pack.

It is believed that this Baldur's Gate character, Boo, inspired Bioware to include a Space Hamster in Mass Effect. 

If you watched the Citadel DLC video above, you heard Shepard tell his hamster to "Go for the eyes."  This is what Minsc used to say to Boo. 

Space Hamsters. From Baldur's Gate to Mass Effect to Baldur's Gate. The ouroboros Easter egg. 

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. 😉

Volo and the Marriage Rituals of Goblins || Series: Books Of Baldur's Gate III

On Goblins 

No, Volo. You are not Jaskier. You cannot seduce everybody. No.

This book is found on the bench in the room where Volothamp Geddarm, the bard known as Volo, is imprisoned by the goblin Gribbo. 

She is indeed delighted with his singing, but as she also intends to eat him when she gets bored of him, I believe Volo has severely misinterpreted her interest. 

On a related note, apparently there actually are half-goblins in Dungeons & Dragons (the source material for Baldur's Gate 3).   So Volo is not alone in his interest in...  'marrying' a goblin. In fact, kudos to him for actually being willing to marry her. 

Because... yeah. 

Most half-monster (half-orc, half-goblin, etc) children are generally products of rape. They don't have to be, but it's acknowledged in D&D descriptions that they probably are. 

On the positive side, you could use this backstory to create a complex, multi-dimensional character like Olivia Benson on Law & Order: SVU. 

But as harassment of female players and in-game rapes have been a bit of an ongoing problem for D&D (not just in the Bad Old Days, this is from 2019), dissections of who is having sex with whom and who is raping whom to produce which can be... squicky. 

And no, you can't just 'not think about it' because 'it's pretend'. Women are very aware of how they get pregnant. Women are very aware of the violence that can be perpetrated against them. If you willfully ignore that reality, even in fiction, you are creating a space that tacitly tells women their lived experiences are secondary to your fun.

So how to deal with this? 

Back to goblin marriage rituals. 

In Baldur's Gate 3, goblins are referred to as vermin (by Astarion as I remember) and much is made of how the Absolute has managed to make them a coordinated fighting force. But if you wander amongst the goblins, you'll note they do seem to have a society. Care and training of children. Male and female warriors of equal standing. Worg buddies. 

There's even a book of poetry. Okay, maybe that one was mostly lewd sketches. But humans are known to underline the "dirty words" in dictionaries so we have no moral high ground here.

If you fight on their side, they like you a lot, regardless of your not being a goblin. You can get a dialogue where one goblin pledges to follow your leadership to the ends of the earth. 

So if they experience loyalty, maybe goblins can experience romantic love. Maybe even with non-goblins. And maybe they have marriage ceremonies.

A quick google tells me Clerics can cast a ceremony spell for a wedding in D&D. The goblins have a cleric. 

Maybe Volo is on the right path, renovating half-goblin ancestry to include love-matches consecrated through marriage rituals. 

Will half-goblin become a playable race in Baldur's Gate 3? We'll have to wait and see.

Loviatar and Subverting Your Expectations || Series: Books Of Baldur's Gate III

Once you reach the Goblins' dungeon, there is a side quest which has little to do with goblins and everything to do with the deep world-building in Baldur's Gate III. It's fun, it's funny, and it's a bit kinky.

But thanks to the nearby book, it's also surprisingly compassionate. 

First you have to find Abdirak, devotee of Loviatar. He's located in the center room, the one to the left of the room with Spike, the goblin Wyll is looking for (so you'll already be in the dungeon if you've recruited Wyll). 

Loviatar is the goddess of pain. So Abdirak is dressed in the Mad Max meets 50 Shades outfit you might expect. There is a nod to S&M etiquette, in that there is a "performance" dialogue choice (you're yelling stop but you both know you don't mean it), but otherwise it has no relation to S&M (sort of like 50 Shades 😜). But really, we shouldn't criticize on those grounds because this isn't Earth, it's Faerun. 

If you look at the image of Abdirak below, you'll see he's spattered with blood. This is his own blood. 

Which subverts what you might expect in a dungeon, from a man dressed like medieval Marquis de Sade. 

He also has a very sexy voice. If you wish to experience it yourself, press play. 

Yes, Astarion is my favorite companion. How did you guess? *made certain to get all of Astarion's reactions on video*

So anyway, this is all firmly in the Exploit Sadomasochism For Kicks wheelhouse, right?

Well, if you read Abdirak's book, The Screed of the Willing  (found on the second to top shelf of his stone bookcase), you will discover it is something else entirely.

"In Loviatar's name, I ask you to live."  Loviatar counts all suffering, even the "ache in your soul".  

So if you're depressed, don't give up. Loviatar loves you.

Subverting our expectations, Loviatar is a compassionate, positive goddess. 

For her, pain is associated with life, not death. If you hide from heartbreak, you'll miss the joys of the world. 

Embrace your ability to feel pain, it makes you superior to the gods. Only mortals can truly live.

It would have been easy to just plop this scene into a dungeon as a Kinky Encounter, 'Nuff Said. 

Instead, with this lore book, we get actual reasons why someone might worship Loviatar, how this goddess referred to as the "Mistress of Pain" could be the center of a viable religion, not just a one-off kink. 

And I am here for it. 

Baldur's Gate - The Peacock Rule || Series: Books Of Baldur's Gate III

I first realized the importance of reading the books scattered about the countryside in Baldur Gate 3 when I came across this volume:

It explains why No Dogs Are Allowed in the city of Baldur's Gate.

This is relevant to a conversation you can have with a tiefling couple in the Druid grove. So then I wondered, what other cool lore is out there, lurking in books, just waiting to explain points of the game to me? 

Hence this series. 

NOTE: I am unfamiliar with Dungeons and Dragons (the source material for Baldur's Gate 3) so I shall be looking at these books and their subjects as presented in game, and only in game.

How Tall is Astarion from Baldur's Gate 3?

On February 2nd, Larian Studios quote tweeted the official Resident Evil twitter account, revealing the height of a certain fan-favorite vampire from their game currently in Early Access, Baldur's Gate III.

Many twitter residents were surprised or saddened to learn Astarion is 'only' 5'9" (or 175 cm). 

Others considered 5'9 to be just right, since it was still taller than they were. Which is not surprising because 5'9 is not that short. In most of the world, it's considered average or even tall.

And this normally would be the end of the story. We have a canonical height, delivered by the official twitter account of the game developer. 

But.... 

Pjenn found this dialogue lurking in the Patch 4 game files. It is UNRELEASED, UNFINISHED dialogue, so I'm only showing the frame containing the pertinent information.  

You will see that here, in the game itself, Astarion's canon height is 5'11" (or 180 cm). 

This is considered tall, no matter where you live. (Google it if you don't believe me.)

So, which is it? Which one are you accepting as canon?

I have a terrible time visualizing size, so I'm happy as long as Astarion is taller than I am. Which means I'm fine with either one. 

Although if I ever write fanfic with Astarion.... I'll probably go with 5'11. My husband is 6'1 and they do say 'write what you know.' 😜

The Reason There Are No Dogs Allowed In Baldur's Gate (Baldur's Gate 3)

If you are playing Baldur's Gate III Early Access, as I am, you will have noticed in Patch 4 there is a new scene with Lae'zel and that adorable tiefling couple. The tieflings are talking about having a cat as a pet, since dogs aren't allowed in the city of Baldur's Gate, and Lae'zel asks what a cat is.

Watching this, you might wonder, why aren't dogs allowed?

The answer to this question can be found among the books in the Arcane Tower in the Underdark:

No animal larger than a peacock may gain entry to Baldur's Gate.   

It's a city restriction, and it seems to be unpopular, at least with bear owners. What they will do if you're a druid and turn into a bear or a badger while in the city is anyone's guess. 😉

Obviously there are no toy dogs in Faerun, thus no dogs allowed in Baldur's Gate.