Volo and the Marriage Rituals of Goblins || Series: Books Of Baldur's Gate III

On Goblins 

No, Volo. You are not Jaskier. You cannot seduce everybody. No.

This book is found on the bench in the room where Volothamp Geddarm, the bard known as Volo, is imprisoned by the goblin Gribbo. 

She is indeed delighted with his singing, but as she also intends to eat him when she gets bored of him, I believe Volo has severely misinterpreted her interest. 

On a related note, apparently there actually are half-goblins in Dungeons & Dragons (the source material for Baldur's Gate 3).   So Volo is not alone in his interest in...  'marrying' a goblin. In fact, kudos to him for actually being willing to marry her. 

Because... yeah. 

Most half-monster (half-orc, half-goblin, etc) children are generally products of rape. They don't have to be, but it's acknowledged in D&D descriptions that they probably are. 

On the positive side, you could use this backstory to create a complex, multi-dimensional character like Olivia Benson on Law & Order: SVU. 

But as harassment of female players and in-game rapes have been a bit of an ongoing problem for D&D (not just in the Bad Old Days, this is from 2019), dissections of who is having sex with whom and who is raping whom to produce which can be... squicky. 

And no, you can't just 'not think about it' because 'it's pretend'. Women are very aware of how they get pregnant. Women are very aware of the violence that can be perpetrated against them. If you willfully ignore that reality, even in fiction, you are creating a space that tacitly tells women their lived experiences are secondary to your fun.

So how to deal with this? 

Back to goblin marriage rituals. 

In Baldur's Gate 3, goblins are referred to as vermin (by Astarion as I remember) and much is made of how the Absolute has managed to make them a coordinated fighting force. But if you wander amongst the goblins, you'll note they do seem to have a society. Care and training of children. Male and female warriors of equal standing. Worg buddies. 

There's even a book of poetry. Okay, maybe that one was mostly lewd sketches. But humans are known to underline the "dirty words" in dictionaries so we have no moral high ground here.

If you fight on their side, they like you a lot, regardless of your not being a goblin. You can get a dialogue where one goblin pledges to follow your leadership to the ends of the earth. 

So if they experience loyalty, maybe goblins can experience romantic love. Maybe even with non-goblins. And maybe they have marriage ceremonies.

A quick google tells me Clerics can cast a ceremony spell for a wedding in D&D. The goblins have a cleric. 

Maybe Volo is on the right path, renovating half-goblin ancestry to include love-matches consecrated through marriage rituals. 

Will half-goblin become a playable race in Baldur's Gate 3? We'll have to wait and see.

Loviatar and Subverting Your Expectations || Series: Books Of Baldur's Gate III

Once you reach the Goblins' dungeon, there is a side quest which has little to do with goblins and everything to do with the deep world-building in Baldur's Gate III. It's fun, it's funny, and it's a bit kinky.

But thanks to the nearby book, it's also surprisingly compassionate. 

First you have to find Abdirak, devotee of Loviatar. He's located in the center room, the one to the left of the room with Spike, the goblin Wyll is looking for (so you'll already be in the dungeon if you've recruited Wyll). 

Loviatar is the goddess of pain. So Abdirak is dressed in the Mad Max meets 50 Shades outfit you might expect. There is a nod to S&M etiquette, in that there is a "performance" dialogue choice (you're yelling stop but you both know you don't mean it), but otherwise it has no relation to S&M (sort of like 50 Shades 😜). But really, we shouldn't criticize on those grounds because this isn't Earth, it's Faerun. 

If you look at the image of Abdirak below, you'll see he's spattered with blood. This is his own blood. 

Which subverts what you might expect in a dungeon, from a man dressed like medieval Marquis de Sade. 

He also has a very sexy voice. If you wish to experience it yourself, press play. 

Yes, Astarion is my favorite companion. How did you guess? *made certain to get all of Astarion's reactions on video*

So anyway, this is all firmly in the Exploit Sadomasochism For Kicks wheelhouse, right?

Well, if you read Abdirak's book, The Screed of the Willing  (found on the second to top shelf of his stone bookcase), you will discover it is something else entirely.

"In Loviatar's name, I ask you to live."  Loviatar counts all suffering, even the "ache in your soul".  

So if you're depressed, don't give up. Loviatar loves you.

Subverting our expectations, Loviatar is a compassionate, positive goddess. 

For her, pain is associated with life, not death. If you hide from heartbreak, you'll miss the joys of the world. 

Embrace your ability to feel pain, it makes you superior to the gods. Only mortals can truly live.

It would have been easy to just plop this scene into a dungeon as a Kinky Encounter, 'Nuff Said. 

Instead, with this lore book, we get actual reasons why someone might worship Loviatar, how this goddess referred to as the "Mistress of Pain" could be the center of a viable religion, not just a one-off kink. 

And I am here for it. 

Baldur's Gate - The Peacock Rule || Series: Books Of Baldur's Gate III

I first realized the importance of reading the books scattered about the countryside in Baldur Gate 3 when I came across this volume:

It explains why No Dogs Are Allowed in the city of Baldur's Gate.

This is relevant to a conversation you can have with a tiefling couple in the Druid grove. So then I wondered, what other cool lore is out there, lurking in books, just waiting to explain points of the game to me? 

Hence this series. 

NOTE: I am unfamiliar with Dungeons and Dragons (the source material for Baldur's Gate 3) so I shall be looking at these books and their subjects as presented in game, and only in game.

How Tall is Astarion from Baldur's Gate 3?

On February 2nd, Larian Studios quote tweeted the official Resident Evil twitter account, revealing the height of a certain fan-favorite vampire from their game currently in Early Access, Baldur's Gate III.

Many twitter residents were surprised or saddened to learn Astarion is 'only' 5'9" (or 175 cm). 

Others considered 5'9 to be just right, since it was still taller than they were. Which is not surprising because 5'9 is not that short. In most of the world, it's considered average or even tall.

And this normally would be the end of the story. We have a canonical height, delivered by the official twitter account of the game developer. 

But.... 

Pjenn found this dialogue lurking in the Patch 4 game files. It is UNRELEASED, UNFINISHED dialogue, so I'm only showing the frame containing the pertinent information.  

You will see that here, in the game itself, Astarion's canon height is 5'11" (or 180 cm). 

This is considered tall, no matter where you live. (Google it if you don't believe me.)

So, which is it? Which one are you accepting as canon?

I have a terrible time visualizing size, so I'm happy as long as Astarion is taller than I am. Which means I'm fine with either one. 

Although if I ever write fanfic with Astarion.... I'll probably go with 5'11. My husband is 6'1 and they do say 'write what you know.' 😜

The Reason There Are No Dogs Allowed In Baldur's Gate (Baldur's Gate 3)

If you are playing Baldur's Gate III Early Access, as I am, you will have noticed in Patch 4 there is a new scene with Lae'zel and that adorable tiefling couple. The tieflings are talking about having a cat as a pet, since dogs aren't allowed in the city of Baldur's Gate, and Lae'zel asks what a cat is.

Watching this, you might wonder, why aren't dogs allowed?

The answer to this question can be found among the books in the Arcane Tower in the Underdark:

No animal larger than a peacock may gain entry to Baldur's Gate.   

It's a city restriction, and it seems to be unpopular, at least with bear owners. What they will do if you're a druid and turn into a bear or a badger while in the city is anyone's guess. 😉

Obviously there are no toy dogs in Faerun, thus no dogs allowed in Baldur's Gate.